S.N.L. Cold Open Tackles Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Trial (UPDATED)

The defamation trial of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard was the subject of Saturday Night Live’s cold open on May 14; the show mostly focused on the claims that Heard defecated on Depp’s bed.

In the show’s first sketch, MSNBC host Nicolle Wallace (Kate McKinnon) says, “I’m glad it ain’t me,” as she introduces live coverage of a segment.

Aidy Bryant asked Kyle Mooney’s Depp, “Mr. Depp, earlier in this trial, you mentioned that Ms. Heard left fecal material in your bed.” He confirmed, “That is correct.”

Bryant then presented a clip of Kenan Thompson’s Leonard Green, Depp’s property manager, finding what seemed to be feces in the bed.

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“Objection, that still wouldn’t prove my client is guilty of anything,” Heidi Gardner said. “That’s true. But I’ll allow it because it does sound fun,” Cecily Strong’s judge responded. “And this trial is for fun.”

While talking on the phone about Johnny Depp’s severed finger, Thompson smells the “boo-boo” in the apartment.

When Thompson was done, he contacted Ego Nwodim to show her what he discovered.

“Ew, hell nah, why you ain’t just go in the toilet?” she asked him. “I didn’t do this,” he responded before they theorized where the “boo-boo” may have come from — a dog, a “dehydrated adult,” the wife.

“Why would she boo-boo in her own bed,” Nwodim asked Thompson. “Well, remember, she already cut the boy’s finger off,” he said. “And my daddy always said, ‘If a girl will cut your finger off, she will boo-boo in your bed.’”

Selena Gomez hosted, with musical guest Post Malone. In her opening monologue, Gomez made fun of her friendships with her Only Murders in the Building co-stars Steve Martin and Martin Short, as well as Miley Cyrus.

More importantly, though, she said that one of the main reasons she wanted to host was because she’s single.

“I’ve heard that SNL is a great place to find romance,” she said. “Emma Stone met her husband here. Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost. Pete [Davidson] and — Machine Gun Kelly.”

Before deciding to “see how the afterparty goes” with Punkie Johnson, Gomez turned down Mooney and James Austin Johnson, who offered to date her.

In a subsequent comedy, SNL appeared to address the leak of Jesse Williams’ naked scenes from Broadway’s Take Me Out.

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Williams was not particularly addressed when Thompson announced a performance that would contain nudity and asked the audience not to photograph or record any of the actors who would be onstage naked.

The Whoopie Cushion inventor was inspired by Bryant’s Deena Beans, a woman who expelled gas whenever she sat down, in a skit starring Martin.

“I fell in love with Deena, and she was behind every good idea I ever had,” Martin said. “Because, you see, she wasn’t just a chronic gas passer. She was also the most viciously unlucky woman I had ever met.”

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