Dating may be challenging for a number of reasons, including the hassle of figuring out how to use dating apps, fitting in time for meets, coming up with interesting date ideas, and getting over the initial (and often awkward) chat. Having a clear idea of what you’re looking for in a life partner should be the easy part.
Seems like a no-brainer. It shouldn’t be too difficult for you to think of the attributes and traits you seek in a love companion. Who, exactly, do you have in mind? Is someone tall or someone short? Will it be hilarious or will it be serious? Predictable or full of surprises?
If you were to choose a lifelong companion, would you prefer someone who is exceptionally bright, ambitious, practical, or loving? You probably know the answers to such questions and can give them with assurance. It makes perfect sense, as you should be in the best position to know exactly what it is you desire.
The differences between your “summarised attribute preferences” (Ledgerwood et al., 2018) — your preconceived notions of what you like — and your “functional attribute preference” (what you actually choose) are examined by researchers.
Putting jargon aside, an important topic is whether or not one’s stated preferences for the features of romantic partners actually affect subsequent decisions. Do individuals have clear desires?
Researchers from UC Davis and U of T conducted four investigations with over 1,000 participants to examine if people’s claimed preferences for romantic partners matched their actual choices (da Silva Frost et al., 2022).
The Results of the Study
The researchers discovered, first, the importance of setting. Incidental circumstances altered participants’ perceptions of what they desired, suggesting that people’s desires aren’t as well-formed as we might like to believe. Put another way, you might conclude that an outgoing companion would be ideal for you.
This inclination, however, may have merely developed because you find the company of outgoing people to be enjoyable in social situations like parties. It’s not so much the quality of extroversion itself that you like, but rather the situations in which you’ve seen it displayed.
Second, the researchers found that the individuals’ ideal romantic interests impacted their choice of dating platforms. That is to say, there are a wide variety of dating platforms, each catering to its user base by emphasising a unique set of traits.
In this study, it was determined that participants’ stated preferences (i.e., their summed attribute preferences) were consistent with their choice of dating site. A person seeking an extroverted companion, for instance, would select a dating platform with a correspondingly high proportion of such individuals.
Finally, there was very little correlation between the answer to the central question of whether or not people’s stated preferences (what they say they want) match what they actually chose (what they truly like).
The study found only a small correlation between participants’ perceptions of their own desire for a confident spouse and their willingness to use a dating service that highlights confident individuals. However, that begs the question: why? It’s possible that the general public has no idea what they desire.
When they encounter someone who changes their mind about what they want in a spouse (for example, “I thought I wanted a confident partner, but I was so wrong since this unassuming person is fantastic”), they simply move on. If participants are asked to think about their preferences in the abstract (“What kind of spouse do you want?”), they may be able to do so in an impartial manner.
On the other hand, when they encounter a real live human being, they can lose their objectivity and make decisions on the fly. In a broader sense, this highlights how we tend to underestimate the significance of context and how strongly our experiences shape us.
The Take Home
Here are two takeaways you can use in your dating life:
- Avoid dismissing potential partners solely because they lack a particular quality that you consider essential. A harsh “filter” can have unintended consequences, so tread carefully. Because of your misguided expectations, you may be passing up fantastic potential partners.
- Getting out into the world might be the only option. The greatest approach to finding out who you really are and what you’re looking for in a mate is to get out there and experience life.
It’s also important to remember that none of us is particularly good at looking into the future. To a high degree, we are accurate at guessing our own desires and behavior. But too often, our actual performance falls far short of our expectations.
It’s not entirely our fault. Our ideas, emotions, and actions are shaped by a complex web of interconnected variables that are constantly mixing and interacting. Actually, there are much too many for us to keep track of individually. This explains why interpersonal connections are so difficult to navigate.
Final Lines
In this article we covered about What Would You Ideally like To Look For In A Dating Partner? If you have a crystal clear picture of what you want out of a life partner, then the rest of the process should be rather simple. If you want to read more information for upcoming articles, stay tuned to our site Leedaily.com
