As a staunch blue-state liberal, let’s do this thing, Marge! Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Bonkers, has proposed a “national divorce” that would divide the country into red and blue states.
Even though she has the intellectual weight of an eggplant that’s not very good at being an eggplant, the QAnon-hugging Georgia lawmaker has climbed to a position of influence in the Republican Party and now behaves as if she is House Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s wing person.
She decided Monday would be a good day to demonstrate to the world that she has no idea what the terms “homeland” or “security” mean because she is a member of the Homeland Security Committee. I wouldn’t bet on her being able to define “committee” though.
Greene tweeted: “We need a national divorce. We need to separate by red states and blue states and shrink the federal government. Everyone I talk to says this. From the sick and disgusting woke culture issues shoved down our throats to the Democrat’s traitorous America Last policies, we are done.”
We need a national divorce.
We need to separate by red states and blue states and shrink the federal government.
Everyone I talk to says this.
From the sick and disgusting woke culture issues shoved down our throats to the Democrat’s traitorous America Last policies, we are… https://t.co/Azn8YF1UUy
— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) February 20, 2023
Marjorie Taylor Greene despises the word “United” in the word “America”
I’ll skip over the absurdity of referring to the opposition party as “America Last” while you’re advocating the elimination of the entire “UNITED States of America” notion and just say, “Wow.” The dish of garbage was tweeted by a sitting member of Congress as quickly as someone serving fries.
I first thought Greene wanted a divorce from her country so she could start dating someone she met at CrossFit. But on Tuesday, Georgia’s pride put her renowned “lean into the dumb” style of legislating on display by going into further detail about the concept of a national divorce in a lengthy Twitter thread. Why did Yolanda and David Frost Got Divorced? Nowadays, People Are Searching a Lot About It on the Internet.
She quickly transitioned from a single pro-secession tweet to an endless stream of pro-dissolving-the-union tweets. It sounded like what you’d get if you ran every far-right talking point and a Jack Kerouac novel through a broken artificial intelligence writing software.
Real conservatives have something to say about Greene’s proposal
Greene’s gibberish more than a bit turned off real conservatives who don’t think overly glorified online trolls should rule the nation. “The Constitution governs our nation, “Rep. Liz Cheney, a former Republican, tweeted. “You took an oath promising to uphold and protect the Constitution. Secession is against the law. Marjorie, no member of Congress should support secession.
Let’s Just Finish This National Divorce Without the Lawyers
Yet, as Greene stated in her National Divorce Doctrine, “Tragically, I think we, the left and right, have reached irreparable disagreements.” There is no way of knowing when the cheese slipped off Greene’s cracker. I must concur if working with someone like Greene is what is necessary to resolve our issues.
Let’s call a divorce on this national union and start dividing the spoils. Here is my request for a divorce, which I am confident Greene will accept as long as it is read to her gently.
What About the Kids, Though?
Obviously, dealing with the children through a divorce is the hardest part. We’ll give you New Jersey, minus the region where Bruce Springsteen resides, as a gesture of goodwill, but we’ll take Rhode Island, Delaware, Connecticut, and Hawaii. North Dakota and South Dakota, the twins, are also yours to keep.
Naturally, we also get the majority of the famous people, Hollywood, Broadway, the Magnificent Mile, the Mall of America, and Dollywood because we know the owner has no intention of working with Greene and her ilk.
Ted Nugent, the creator of the Dilbert comic, Elon Musk, and most likely Mark Zuckerberg will all reside in red states; however, since he is of legal voting age, it is uncertain which side he will support.
Do you know which famous people recently divorced? These are some links you can visit to learn more about their new life: